...On the Wild Side

Follow me twitter.com/justthedavis

So first off, I apologize for being gone so long, But I figure I needed some time off to reset my person after such an adventure as mine was. I appreciate all of your support during my time abroad, and I will appreciate your continued support as I head into this next phase in my life. Manhood.

So today, I am off to do something that I never really pictured myself doing. Interviewing for a job. Why? Because I’m graduated. My words were truthful in that graduating college has been one of the least stressful and most relaxing and joyful things that I’ve done in my life. I’m still not stressed even after a few weeks on the job hunt, and now in just a little while, I’m on my way to the apple store on State Street to try my luck as an apple retail employee. I’m not worried not stressed, actually a bit relieved that I’m in fact moving in some sort of direction, although it may not be my ideal. It’s kind of funny because I don’t have an ideal path. I have ideal goals and results that I want to achieve. But I don’t really have set plans to achieve them. I think of it as a way to keep my will out of the way of God’s while still holding my goals at the forefront. Thanks to some tough thinking with Jane, I was able to figure out exactly where my heart is right now and that’s made things easier.

I’m still thinking of Grad school, most likely an MBA, but I don’t know what in yet, and I want to go out in the workplace to find out what that is. I’m still excited for more schooling surprisingly, I think that my attitude going into grad school as opposed to my one going into college will benefit me and my studies. I still have done no research on any sort of GMAT/GRE mostly because standardized tests still give my brain the old one-two punch, but I’m not opposed to looking into that to create an ideal situation for my future education. I’m pumped on it.

So this is my home blog, and this is my home self, although I believe that everyday in this life is a life on the wild side, so the title is sticking. At least for now, you never know in the future. Also I just created a twitter account and I must say that there is much comedy to be had within the limitations of 140 characters. So If you’re involved in this newest web craze follow me at twitter.com/justthedavis and bear with me for a few weeks as I get the hang of this new playground. Love peace chicken grease.

- Justin Glenn Davis

Chapter Twenty-Three…Not the End

I’ve been dreading this moment for the last two weeks. I’m not sure what it will take to finish this, and I’m not sure that I’m even capable of doing it now, but I’ll try. I’m home. After four months of prolonged travel and perpetual tourism I’m home. I’ve also been to school, and gone through all of the smiles, meals, and long awaited hellos. I’ve been able to talk to people about my experience this semester, but I haven’t really thought about it. I like it that way. If you have been following along with me during this period, you are obviously aware that this semester has been full of stories and events, most of which have come from trials. I’m not really sure if there’s a proper way to internalize a semester’s worth of learning and traveling. I’d like to believe that I learned enough to make me into a new man, but surely enough I have slipped back into all of my old attitudes and habits. I had hope beyond all hope that I would be changed, but as far as everyone else can I see, I am completely the same person. But I’m not.

I feel different inside. I know a lot more about the ways that I process life. I have become accustomed to these changes already, so I look the same but I still feel different. No one but God can look inside my heart and see everything that’s different from before, and the lenses that others present to my soul cannot decipher the microscopic shifts in my character. I’m quieter now, which I despise. I have not had a major outburst of humor or stupidity in quite sometime. I’m older now, which I enjoy. Walking around I feel that those who know me have been speaking to me in more solemn ways and I feel respected. I’m different now, which those close to me do not understand. Those who know me intimately seem to be misguided in their perceptions of who I am. But the hardest part is that I cannot correct them, because I have not yet been able to identify all of the changes or their implications in my soul. I’m a bit lost, about as lost as I had been previously on the trip. Only now I’m at home, but I’m still searching for my sense of stability.

I’m deeply in need of some guidance, because my expectations of home were purely speculative and I’m too dazed to comprehend the differences. Recently I’ve been more kind than I ever have, but at times I’ve also been more of an asshole. I’ve been more understanding and faithful at times, I’ve also been more confused and fearful at others. I need a lot of Jesus, but Jesus is not answering in the ways that I am expecting him too and neither are any other parts of my life. It figures that I’m going through all of this at the same time. I’m in need of a break, with no questions and only answers. I’m in need of a lot of heaven before I go on in my life, because I was wrong about a lot of things, and my better judgments have failed me. I’m pretty broken, but the good kind of broken. The kind of broken where you’re not too bad to fix, and it’s a great opportunity to install some upgrades. So bring it. I guess.

Who says you’re can’t still be traveling even at home?

This is not the end…Still on the Wild Side.

- Justin Glenn Davis

Chapter Twenty-Two…Music and Life

First off, God is faithful. That’s true, and is true always. Second, I thank god for writing, I thank god for my hands that their ability to transmit coherent thought into keystrokes and intersecting lines. I’m thinking now of the future, and there it lies. All of it is already inside, I can feel my future within me like a child that’s grown along with me the last few months. I know that it is inside of me though I have not seen it, and I know that my future will be a different manifestation of the man that I am now. Pregnant with my future. The image is not very comforting, but the symbol is. I know that I do not need to do anything other than be myself and seek to learn, and continue seeking God’s kingdom to be provided for in every way. I also feel strongly that I am the person that I am so that God may use me, because any other uses of me would be a waste, even if it doesn’t seem so in the minds of men. So there that is, I am the Lord’s.

Music is the rudder of my soul. I’m afraid that there is too much inside of this statement for me to remain a coherent individual. I want to be able to be consistent in the person that I am and always be genuine in my interactions, but whether or not I choose to acknowledge it, music has a major influence on my mood and introspection. I feel that music carries this weight for me so that I will one day help others through the same relation. When I write music, there is a certain release that I cannot describe. Sometimes not being able to write makes me feel sick. A song is like a continuous anxiety that sits under a stoop in my heart, taking shelter from the storm of my brain. As I begin to feel the songs presence I start paying attention to what it might be about, what specific things in the storm of emotions and thought that the song is pertaining to. Then I sit and write. If it’s a good song it’ll write itself in more than an hour, if it’s really good it’ll be done in half that time. If it’s not too great it’ll take me a few tries to write a song, but that’s just how it goes. When I write my own music I begin to understand myself. Music is a medium to digest my feelings and emotions and experiences, and also share them with others. It’s a medium, and an undeserved gift that I am very thankful for.

I started writing music two summers ago. My older brother gave me his old guitar and a case and I started strumming, but more importantly I started praying. I felt that there would be no way for me to learn how to play music, due to my zero musical talent and background. But I started praying, and playing, and soon enough I had three or four chord shapes, enough to play a few songs. Then came singing. I needed to be able to sing to play out loud, also I was just sick of not being able to sing with my whole heart in church because of my tiny vocal range. So I prayed for a voice. I’m sure you can guess what happened next, but at the time I could not comprehend why or how God would help me be able to play the guitar and sing. When I didn’t really need to do either. That’s just the grace of God and we will never understand it. So anyway I started singing and playing and got better and better at both. That’s when I wrote the Elephant and the Wildflower.

At the time I had no clue what I was doing with such strange symbols in such an obscure allegory. What the heck do Elephants and Wildflowers have to do with one another? But now I know that’s just how I do songwriting. It kind of just happens. So I knew that this song was important and I knew that this point in my life was important. So I went on a quest into the desert to find myself, God, and my first song. I went on a pilgrimage to Joshua Tree national forest. Armed with the necessary items the most important being my guitar, bible and my brother’s hammock. I got in late at night, around ten, and set up camp in the desert maybe a mile from the car park and near some familiar rock formations. That time was so important for me, not only did I find God in the form of a giant big horned sheep who was watching over me as I played in the sunlit dawn. But I found myself and my song on the top of a windy precipice. The Elephant and the Wildflower would be my musical answer to prayer and the fulfillment of a silly boy’s dream. I recorded that song for the Phoenix (A student publication of art, music and poetry at Westmont) which through much pain and vulnerability, gave me the courage I needed to keep writing and start performing. Just open mics and stuff, but seriously, it’s all so important to me.

All this started because I was listening to some song written by some guy, I don’t even remember what it was. But when you hear a song that fits both your mood and situation, it transforms into a beautiful work of art that can be unique to every listener, or even every time you listen. I hope that you can understand the reasons that music should be made. It’s not for money or for fame or recognition, but a humble dedication to life itself. I’m not even sure if I understand it, but it’s powerful. And with our ipods and itunes and garagebands, it’s more powerful now than it has even been in the past. So live and love and listen to the melody. Pay attention to what music can teach you about a moment, and embrace it with all that you are. Music is a part of all of us, and there is so much that we still have to get from each other and the music that we all share. Just some things I’ve learned on this trip.

- Justin Glenn Davis

Chapter Twenty-One…Consonants and Vowels

As I walk through the segmented remains of a former empire, I can see the fragments of society as they once were and now remain. The land that is ruled by different peoples at different times often sees the cruel abuse of passing theme and fickle identity as they begin to infect the subjected land. There are old churches, adorned with rotten frescos and melting mosaics. There are mosques, one per every three square miles in the ruins of the Ottoman Empire. There are churches built for nation and for God, and regimes at times have not forced any distinction between the two. Empire after empire, Europe has risen and fallen and fought to come to some sort of balance. Even now, the solidarity and peace that has categorized the EU is still apprehensive about the prospect of an “Islamic” influence in “Christian” Europe.

But time after time the ruling powers have demanded a theme for their architecture and artistic culture. And where are we now? We study history, but who is defining the history of today? Are we in a time that will be no more than two sentences in the history books? Or are we the start of something new? Maybe something fresh? The transition from modern to ancient lies in the passing of two or three thousand years, and in light of all human history this amount of time is relatively small. Two hundred years from now, the people of the World will be looking back at our time making connections and distinctions about their cultural contexts through the lens of our current context. But the question is, what will they say about themselves?

Will the next thousand years bring more warfare than the world has ever seen? Will that time bring an end to civilization? Is that even possible? What can be done about our futures now? Is it possible to prevent the repetition of tragedies and horror that our world has already seen? Will we meet aliens? Will they be friendly or hostile? Will they know God? Will our future generations understand God in a different way than we do? What sort of social revolutions will they see? Will our questions be answered? Will we be remembered? Will our efforts count for anything?

All of these questions are important in the story of time, and in any moment life may be completely different than it was in the moment before. We should hold these things in perspective as we consider our own lives. But perspective and reflection are the extent to which such questions can be taken. It is healthy to hold the big picture in view when making decisions, but decisions are made in the instant. We make decisions in the moments that we are in. I cannot directly make a decision today of how I am going to act twenty years from now. So thinking too hard about the future becomes futile and problematic. We need to hold all things in consideration to gain perspective and allow the mind to process outside the context of the moment. But decisions are meant to be made in the moment, and what was true for me yesterday may not be true for me tomorrow. We are meant to live here and now. We are meant to live with who we are with, exactly where we are, so we can learn, and grow, and understand life more fully. In the story of time we are truly but a consonant in a word in the middle of a run on sentence, but each vowel and consonant are necessary to form the sentence, and each sentence to the chapter, and each chapter to the volume, and each volume to the story. How many volumes there will be only God knows. Lucky for us, consonants and vowels, all we need to do is sound it out. The E makes the I say its name. LIFE.

- Justin Glenn Davis

Chapter Twenty… From Rome with Love

There are an endless amount of previously empty spaces in my mind that are now occupied by important bits of data. I just finished up my second visit to Rome, and this time around my experience was far more enlightening. Although this time I did not have the awe factor that comes with a first time experience, Europe Semester enabled me to understand Rome more fully. This time I was aware of shifts in power, of dynasties and empires past and present, and the city was alive for the first time in my mind.

Ancient Rome was the cradle of western civilization for over eight centuries before the capital was moved to Turkey (Our next destination). And through my studies and group projects I can now talk to the people in my group about the life and death of Julius Caesar, the decline of the Roman Republic and the rise of the roman Empire. I can understand the politics of the day, and only imagine what the eternal city would look like covered in marble in all of its original grandeur. I love Rome, and I can’t wait to travel there again.

In my dreams I’m already home. I’ve been having dream after dream where I’m home with the ones I love and already thinking back on this trip. It’s a blessed feeling to wake up missing my travels and pondering the significance of them only to realize that I’ve still got two weeks left. It’s a great way to be in transition, and I trust my brain and my dreams to make my transition home very smooth. I have been able to be excited about returning to what I know best while still being involved fully in my daily activities and studies here. It has actually allowed me to enjoy these last few weeks more, knowing that I’ll be home soon. Knowing that all the hanging questions that have lingered in the back of my head all semester long will soon be answered and lived out.

But I’m a bit anxious about Christmas. For me, Christmas kind of changes as the approach to Christmas changes. I’m sad that I will not be with my family for Thanksgiving, and I am sad that I have not been able to feel the temperature change and feel the days grow dark. I long for a warm winter breeze and California’s worst weather. I long to see the mountains of the Inland Empire capped with fresh snow and begin to dream of snowboards and hot chocolate. I want to set up my family’s small porcelain Christmas town that lights our entryway year after year. I want to help my pops pick a tree and get my hands all sappy bringing it inside. I want to spend a day outside hanging up Christmas lights and listening to the same four CDs we’ve had since I was five. Even Alvin and the Chipmunks (Although we’d have to procure a cassette player for that one…old school). I feel that these are vital steps to shaping the ideal Christmas season, but this time around I’ll adjust. This time I’ll make an exception and do my best to jump onto the already moving X-mas train. But I know that I need to be home, so I’ll be there. Soon…On the Wild Side.

- Justin Glenn Davis